Time to reflect

I've been left alone with a computer and a blogging platform.  With time to think.  This is a dangerous situation often leading to stream of consciousness blogging.  Tonight's entry is no different.

Every year about this time, I get reflective.  I think about the previous year--what went right, what went wrong, what I'd do differently.  I think about the future, and what I want to accomplish. Still feeling warm and fuzzy from all that time with family, I think about how blessed I am with people who love me.  This year was no different.

The last few years have been full of change.  Just when I think I've got the situation under control, something else pops up.  I've been left feeling like my life is a giant game of Whack A Mole, with problems instead of stuffed animals. I'm fortunate that none of my problems have turned out to be disasters, but I've been left feeling a little dizzy, tired and overwhelmed by it all.

Things really reached a low point for me last fall.  The mister and I were at ND and had just finished a run around the lakes, one of my favorite places.  I thought to myself how young the students we passed on the run looked.  How bright-eyed and earnest, ready to take on the world.  That was once me, I thought to myself. 

And then I thought some more, how far I'd fallen from that point.  Back when I was a student I had so many plans about how I'd give back to my community.  And here I was, ten years later with my life barely resembling those early plans.  How did my life get so far off track?  But really, I guess that's true for all of us.  We had such clear ideas of how our lives would unfold.  And now that I look back, things haven't quite worked out the way we'd planned for any of us.  We all carry our battle scars--some scars are visible while others are hidden from prying eyes.  But they are there.  And I, for one, know that I'm stronger for those scars.  I know what I'm made of.  Having experienced disappointment, I know how great it feels to succeed.  Having felt sorrow, I can appreciate joy.  And above all, I know that when things are bad, those who love me will always be there for me.  And really, sometimes that love is all that is needed to get out of a bad situation.

While at ND that weekend, I learned I'd been selected to share my struggle with ulcerative colitis to raise research money and awareness.  Finally, I was doing something good for the world.   And right now, I'm finally able to catch my breath.  My health is better and I'm much happier.  It would be nice if 2012 could be a year that I rest and fully recover, since I know life is going to throw more curveballs at me in the future, but I need to remember that I'm not the one running this show.  I just have to believe in God's plan and hang on for the ride.

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."  ~A.A. Milne.